Baby Cakes (Stallion Version)

[Our story opens inside Ponyville hospital. The stallion six are looking into the maternity ward at the newborn foals.]

Applejack: Can you believe the new baby is finally here?

Dusk Shine: Coffee Cake and Cream Cake must be really proud.

Elusive: I wonder if it's a colt or a filly.

Bubble Berry: [his face is pressed up to the glass] I wanna see the new baby pony! I wanna see! Which one is it?!

Coffee Cake: [inside the ward] Meet our daughter, Angel Cake. [Lowers the blankets to reveal a cream colored pegasus filly.]

Butterscotch: [staring cheery eyed] She's so cute!

Mr. Cake: [approaches a 2nd crib] And our son, Cheese Cake. [Lowers the blanket to reveal a yellow unicorn colt.]

[The stallion six are all surprised.]

Bubble Berry: Two new foals for us to get to know?  That's two, two, two times the awesomeness! This is the greatest day ever! [suddenly appears inside the maternity ward] We need to celebrate your birthday, babies, 'cause you were just born today! Woohoo! [prepairs to blow a party favor.]

Doctor Redhoof: [A handsome middle aged stallion with a George Clooney style pink mane and a stethoscope stops Berry] I'm gonna have to ask you to be quiet.

Bubble Berry: But I was just-

Doctor Redhoof: [interrupts] The babies are trying to sleep.

Bubble Berry: But doc-  

Doctor Redhoof: [annoyed] Don't test my patience, young stallion.

Bubble Berry: [singing] Happy happy birthday, to you and you today-

Doctor Redhoof: That's it! [Doctor Redhoof has had enough.  He grabs Berry and tosses him back into the waiting room.]

Applejack: [confused] Now how in thunderation is one of them twins a pegasus, and the other one a unicorn?

Mr. Cake: Easy. Cream Cake's great-great-great-great grandmother was a unicorn, and my great uncle's second cousin twice removed was a pegasus. That makes sense, right? [also confused]

Rainbow Blitz: Aw yeah, heh, just you wait! Once Angel Cake gets her wings going, she'll be all over the place.

Dusk Shine: And be careful around Cheese Cake.

Elusive: Baby unicorns get strange magic surges that come and go.

Bubble Berry: [appears in the maternity ward again] Quick! [pulls out a cake] Make a wish and blow out your candles! Which is easy, 'cause there are zero candles! You are zero years old, after all!

Doctor Redhoof: [rather loudly] I thought I told you to wait outside! [The babies start crying. Berry is startled and accidently pies himself in the face with the cake. Doctor Redhoof looks embarrassed.]

[Theme song plays]

[Next Scene: Inside Sugar Cube Corner.  1 Month later.]

Bubble Berry: [gives the twins a cake and starts singing] Happy monthiversary to you and you today
[very quickly] I can't believe you're already a month old time sure flies doesn't it well it seems like only
yesterday you were born. But now you're a month old today, hey!

[The twins cheer and start playing with Berry.]

Bubble Berry: Are you ready for the bestest game in the whole wide world? [hides behind the kitchen's saloon door] Where's Berry? [jumps out] Here I am! [hides again] Where's Berry? [jumps out] Here I am! [The twins giggle as Berry continues the game.]

Mr. Cake: Is everything okay in there? Do the babies need a diaper change?

Bubble Berry: Don't worry, they're fine! [picks up Angel and turns green] Eww, I mean...

Cream Cake: [comes in with fresh diapers] Oh, I got it.  [Mrs. Cake places the twins on a changing table and changes their diapers.] Is anypony hungry?

Bubble Berry: No thanks. I just had a big breakfast.

Mr. Cake: [comes in with two bottles] I'm on it.

[Mr. Cake gives Angel and Cheese their bottles.  The twins begin drinking their milk while Berry watches impatiently.  When the twins finish their milk, they start making uncomfortable faces.]

Bubble Berry: Ooo, Ooo, you're making funny faces! I have one! [starts making funny faces]

Mrs. Cake: [sighs] No Berry.  The babies need to be burped. [picks up the twins and pats them on the back, causing them to burp.]

Bubble Berry: All set now? Everything good? Okay, who wants to play again?

[Mrs. Cake sets the twins down. Angel and Cheese follow Berry into the living room.  Angel approaches a stack of blocks and knocks them down.]

Mr. Cake: [scolds Angel] Now, now little Angel Cake. You don't want to ruin your brother's hard work.

[Meanwhile Cheese picks up the talcum powder, and begins chewing on the container.]

Mrs. Cake: [scolds Cheese] Uh uh uh, we don't chew on things, Cheese Cake.

Bubble Berry: Except food.

Mr. Cake: [suddenly remembers something] Food! Great cinnamon sticks, I completely forgot.

Bubble Berry: No, you just gave them some milk, remember?

Mr. Cake: Not the babies' food!

Mrs. Cake: [panicky] The food for the enormously big catering order we have to deliver today!

Mr. Cake: [worried] With the new twins we've been so distracted!

Mrs. Cake: Quick, honeybun, we need to find a babysitter to watch the foals while we take care of this. [The Cakes pick up the twins and begin to leave.]

Bubble Berry: [eager to help] I could do it! I wanna do it! The babies really like me, I'll do it! [Mr. and Mrs. Cake ignore him.]

Mr. Cake: I wonder who would be available on such short notice.

Bubble Berry: [following] Me! I'm available. Pick me!

[Next Scene: At Dusk Shine's library. The Cakes are talking to Barbara.]

Barbara: [holding a bunch of notes] I'd love to babysit, but I have to help Dusk Shine finish this report to Lord Solaris summarizing all his other reports to Lord Solaris. [Dusk Shine is busy working]

Bubble Berry: [holding a book with diaper] I wanna babysit. Pick me!

[Next Scene: At Sweet Apple Acres. The Cakes are talking to Macareina. Applejack can be seen working franticly in the distance.]

Macareina: Enope! I can't do it. There's a swarm a' hungry caterpillars headed this way? Me and mah brother gotta get all these apples picked before they get swarmed on!

Bubble Berry: [cuddling a bunch of apples] Ooo, Ooo! I wanna do it!

[Next Scene: At Butterscotch's house.]

Butterscotch: I'm flattered that you would consider me, but I'm a zoologist, not a babysitter.  I don't know anything about taking care of baby ponies.  Besides, I promised Lilitha we'd go on a picnic. [the cakes leave disappointed] [scared] You understand, don't you? Y-you're not mad at me are you? Please don't be mad at me!

[Defeated, the cakes approach Berry who is staring at the cakes with an awkward smile]

Mrs. Cake: [hesitant] Bubble Berry, how would you like to babysit for us?

Bubble Berry: [his eyes light up with joy, but he quickly pretends to be disinterested.] I don't know. I'll have to check my schedule. [Scratches his flank]

[Next Scene: Inside Sugar Cube Corner. The cakes are franticly packing their things.]

Mrs. Cake: [very nervous] Now, Berry, are you sure you really understand the responsibility of watching over two babies?

Bubble Berry: I can be responsible. Responsibility is my middle name. Bubble Responsibility Berry.

Mr. Cake: [gets in Berry's face][very stern and serious] But this time you need to take care of them, not just play with them. You have to be responsible.

Bubble Berry: Yes, I know, I will. [Salutes] I am.

[A timer goes off in the kitchen.  Mr. Cake runs into the kitchen and comes back with a large cake]

Mr. Cake: Here you are young stallion, [tosses Berry a very long list] all your responsibilities are on this list.

Bubble Berry: [jaw dropped] Whoa! That's a lot of responsi- [stops himself] Consider it done.

Mrs. Cake: [to her husband] We'll frost it when we get there! C'mon, sugarplum, we're running out of time!

Mr. Cake: [Hurries outside, but stops to say one last thing to Berry.] Take good care of the kids Berry.

Bubble Berry: No problemo, Mr. and Mrs. Cake. Everything is under control.

[The cakes wave goodbye and Berry shuts the door.  As soon as the Cakes are out of view, the twins start crying.]

Bubble Berry: [worried] Uh oh… [panicking] Uh, don't cry little guys! Look, look! [hides behind the saloon door] Where's Berry... Where's Berry?

Twins: [continue to cry]

Bubble Berry: Oh no... I'm right here, see!

[Berry returns to the twins and tries to cheer them up with funny faces.  It doesn't work.]

Bubble Berry: [panicking] Oh, think think think... Aha!

[Next Scene: Inside Berry's bedroom.  He has darkened the lights and erected a makeshift stage.]

Bubble Berry: Hey guys, watch this.

[The twins look at each other confused]

Bubble Berry: [Picks up a broom and uses it as a microphone] Hey, you're a wonderful crowd here tonight, where y'all from? [points the broom handle at Cheese Cake.  Berry pulls it away when he notices Cheese is trying to chew on the handle.] Well that's great. Y'know, I used to have an ant farm, but I had to get rid of it because I couldn't find tractors that small! [Rimshot. The twins just stare at Berry.] Get it? Tractors that small? [pause] The other day, I spilled spot remover on my dog, and now I can't find him! [Runs over to a drum set and does another rimshot. The twins start crying again.] Gee, tough crowd. [to himself who is somehow onstage at the same time] Tell me about it. Fine, I wasn't gonna pull off a show stopper, but you're a lovely audience and I think you deserve it!

[Berry Hides behind the curtain and comes back out in a pig costume.]

Bubble Berry: [Singing] First you jiggle your tail! Oink oink oink! [the twins stop crying]
Then you wriggle your snout! Oink oink oink!
Then you wiggle your rump! Oink oink oink!
Then shout it out! Oink oink oink!

[The twins stare at him confused]

First you jiggle your tail! Oink oink oink!
Then you wriggle your snout! Oink oink oink!
Then you wiggle your rump! Oink oink oink!
Then shout it out! Oink oink oink!

[The twins begin crying again]

First you jiggle your tail! Oink oink oink!
Then you wriggle your snout! Oink oink oink!
Then you wiggle your rump! Oink oink oink!
Then shout it out! Oink oink oink!

[Berry crashes into his wardrobe, causing a bag of flour to fall on his head.  The twins stop crying and begin laughing when they see Berry covered in flour.]

Bubble Berry: [relived] There, see? Nothing to this babysitting business! Ugh! [Collapses]

[Next Scene: Inside the kitchen.]

Bubble Berry: [reviewing the list] Snack time. That's easy enough. [opens the refrigerator and pulls out some baby food] Okie dokie! [places the food in front of Angel and Cheese] Eat up! [the twins just stare at him] Like this! [Demonstrates how to eat]

Cheese Cake: [leans forward as if to eat the food, but instead begins chewing on the tablecloth] Num, num, num-

Bubble Berry: No, Cheese Cake, we eat food, [takes the tablecloth away] not tablecloths.

[Cheese Cake begins crying. His sister splatters food on her head and begins crying too.

Bubble Berry: [panicking] Huh, huh? Uh hey guys, look at me! [runs over to the pantry and dumps a bag of flour on his head] Achoo! [the twins stop crying and begin laughing again] Yeah… I think I can see where this is going. [snorts]

[Next Scene: Inside the bathroom.]

[Berry has finished filling the bathtub. As soon as Berry turns off the water, the twins run away giggling.  Berry chases after them franticly.]

Bubble Berry: [sees Cheese cake chewing a towel] Towels are not food Cheese cake. [chases Cheese cake] Drop it! Drop it!

[Berry loses track of both twins.  He hears giggling coming from the medicine cabinet.  When he opens the cabinet he finds the twins hiding inside.  Angel and Cheese quickly run away again, and hide behind the shower curtain.  Berry pulls back the shower curtain and the twins make one last escape attempt.  Berry quickly catches them and places them in the bathtub. As soon as the twins hit the water, they start crying ageing.]

Bubble Berry: [worried] Umm, look guys, bubbles! [blows bath bubbles at the twins, and the stop crying.  Berry then makes a beard for himself out of bubbles] Look! I'm Lord Bubble Beardy!

[The twins laugh and watch the bubbles float past them.  But then one of the bubbles pops on Cheese's horn and he and his sister both begin crying again.]

Bubble Berry: [panicking] Uh, uh, uh, uh, don't cry, look, look, uh floating things! [Puts a rubber ducky in the bathtub.  The twins stop crying and stare at the ducky.]  

[Berry quickly begins adding every floating thing he can find including a beach ball, a toy boat, a snorkel, and inflatable water dingy.  The twins stare at all the toys for a few seconds before beginning to cry again.  Angel accidently breaks the faucet handle, causing Berry to be hit by a burst of water that knocks him through the door.]

Bubble Berry: [returns to the bathroom with a bag of flour] Oh please don't make me do it, guys! You know what happens when you mix flour and water, don't you? [The twins continue to cry. Defeated, Berry dumps to bag of flour on his head, covering himself in moist bread dough. The twins finally stop crying.]

[Next Scene: Inside the nursery. Berry is reviewing the list when he sniffs an unmistakable stench.]

Bubble Berry: [Gasps, turns green, then notices the stench is coming from both babies] Uh oh… It smells like somepony is in need of a diaper change. [Runs off and comes back with a hazmat suit and a fresh pair of diapers.]

[Berry silently sneaks up behind the twins.]

Bubble Berry: [muffled from the suit] Easy… Easy… [The twins see Berry and run away.  Berry chases them behind the dresser and begins changing them.] Wait- no- stay there- just- for a second- stand still I've almost- [Berry finishes changing the diapers, and the babies run of happily.] [exhausted] There… That wasn't so bad. [Doorbell rings] Oh, thanks Solaris!

[Berry (still in his hazmat suit) answers the door.  Dusk Shine is at the door.]

Dusk Shine: Hey Berry! I finished up my work, so I thought I'd stop by and see if you needed any help. [Berry pulls him inside] Whoa!

Bubble Berry: Thank you, thank you, thank you for coming! [Removes his hazmat mask] I can't begin to tell you what my day has been like, I mean, these kids just won't listen to reason, and don't even get me started on their taste in stand-up comedy. [Rimshot]

Dusk Shine: It's okay, Berry. Barb told me you might need some help. That's why I stopped by.

Bubble Berry: [offended] What's that supposed to mean!?

Dusk Shine: Babies take a lot of work, and some guys just aren't cut out to handle the responsibility.

Bubble Berry: [angry] Oh yea! [pushes Dusk Shine outside] Well, thanks for stopping by, Dusk. Sorry, I don't have time to visit, I'm busy with my responsibilities here.

Dusk Shine: I'm happy to help! It's no trouble- [Berry slams the door in his face.]

Bubble Berry: [to himself] Stupid Dusk Shine- he thinks I can't handle things on my own! [calms down] Maybe because I haven't handled things on my own. [Removes the rest of his hazmat suit] Well, I can handle things on my own!

[Next Scene: Berry enters the nursery.  Angel cake is jumping on her crib, while Cheese is chewing on a rubber chicken.]

Bubble Berry: [approaches Angel] Angel Cake. [very stern] This is a crib. It is only to be used for napping, sleeping, and on occasion with permission, as a pretend old-timey Western fort. It is not a trampoline, so stop your jumping right now, young filly! [Approaches Cheese] And you, mister. We do not put anything in our mouth that we cannot safely and properly digest, so stop slobbering on that toy this instant![Berry puts Cheese in the crib with his sister.] Now, we've all had a very exhausting afternoon, and it's time for all good little foals to take their nap. So, fall asleep! [the twins fall asleep. Berry sighs in relief, quietly tucks the twins in, and pats each one on the head.] Sleep tight.  [Berry then throws away the dirty diapers, puts the toys away, and turns off the lights.] [to himself] See! I can handle things just fine.

[As Berry is shutting the door, he notices something.  The twins aren't in the crib anymore!]

Bubble Berry: [panicking] Oh, nononono. Not good not good not good! Angel? Cheese? Where are you? Come out come out wherever you are! [Searching frantically Berry finally finds Cheese Cake hiding in the closet chewing on the rubber chicken.] Whoa! [Berry places Cheese and his rubber chicken back in the crib.] You be a good little boy now, Cheese, and stay in your crib for your pal Berry!

[Berry heads into the hallway and begins searching for Angel Cake.]

Bubble Berry: Angel Cake? Here Angel Cake! [Angel can be heard giggling in the distance.  Berry is a little scared.] Angel Cake? [Berry returns to the nursery and sees Angel walking on the cealing.] You can fly!? [Berry starts jumping, trying to reach Angel] You [jump] get down here- [jump] this instant- [jump] young- [jump] filly! [Berry gasps for breath] I'm responsible for you!

[Berry then climbs up the wall with suction cups. Berry picks up Angel and carries her down to safety.]

[Meanwhile, Cheese Cake is staring at his toy box.  The little unicorn concentrates for a moment and his tiny horn begins to glow. Cheese begins to move his toys to him with telekinesis. Berry drops Angel cake out of shock.]

Cheese Cake: [Starts chewing the butterfly toy.] Nom, nom, nom.

Bubble Berry: No, no, no, Cheese. [Takes the butterfly toy away.]

Cheese Cake: [Starts chewing the monkey toy] Nom, nom.

Bubble Berry: No, no. [Takes the monkey toy away.]

Cheese Cake: [Starts chewing the turtle toy] Nom!

Bubble Berry: NO! [Takes all the toys away] I am the responsible one and I said no. [places all the toys in the toy box, then locks and chains the whole thing.]

Angel Cake: [Flying through the room] Wheeeee!

Bubble Berry: That goes for you too, Angel Cake. [Berry jumps up and tries to catch Angel, but ends up falling into the laundry hamper.  Berry quickly jumps out and grabs Angel.] Gotcha! [Angel continues to fly and takes Berry with her.] I think…

[Angel flies through the entire house and shop, taking Berry along for the ride.]

Bubble Berry: [pied in the face] Mmmm, razzleberry! [hanging on] I'm… not… letting... go! I'm… responsible!

[Angel flies back into the nursery and Berry finally loses his grip. Angel flies up to her brother who is still in the crib.  Cheese concentrates for a moment, and then levitates himself so he can fly with his sister.]

Bubble Berry: Oh no! Not you too!

[The twins fly together for a few moments.  Berry then traps them in a playpen, then duct tapes the whole thing to the ground.]

Bubble Berry: There! Now who's the responsible one!

Cheese Cake: [concentrates then casts a spell that allows him to faze through the playpen.] Yeah! [Berry is stunned.  Cheese Cake begins running around the nursery.]

[Angel cake watches her brother, and then rips to the playpen off the floor with little effort.  Berry watches in horror as the twins run wild in the nursery.  Cheese Cake uses a spell to unlock the toy chest and begins chewing on his toys again.]

[Defeated Berry's lips begin to tremble and his eyes begin to tear up. Berry buries his face in his hooves and begins to cry softly.]

[When the twins see Berry crying, they stop their antics and approach Berry.  Berry stops crying when he sees the babies in front of him. Cheese Cake is levitating a bag of flour over their heads.  The twins pose together and Cheese drops the flour and their heads.]

Bubble Berry: [cheers up and chuckles] You know what. That is funny.

[Next Scene: Bubble Berry is writing the friendship report to Lord Solaris.]

Bubble Berry: Most Honorable Lord Solaris, I've always liked playing with little kids, and I thought babysitting meant just more playtime, right? Wrong! Being a caregiver is way more responsibility than just being a playmate. And today I learned that sometimes our desire for responsibility can outrun our actual ability to handle it.

[The Cake parents finally return home.]

Mrs. Cake: Bubble Berry! We're back!

Mr. Cake: How did everything go? [is amazed by what he sees] Sweet Cinnamon Sticks!

[The entire house is spotless.]

Mrs. Cake: [amazed] Are we in the right house?

Bubble Berry: [quietly] I'm gonna have to ask you to be quite. The babies are asleep.

Mr. Cake: [amazed] Berry… I don't know what to say. I'm… what's the word?

Mrs. Cake: Amazed, is the word I would use. We had no idea how responsible you really are. Would you be interested in becoming our go-to babysitter on a permanent basis?

Bubble Berry: [caught off guard] Hm- Ah- lemme check my schedule! [pulls out a notepad] I should be available a week from... [tosses the notepad away] never!

Angel Cake: [talking in her sleep] Bubble…

Cheese Cake: [talking in his sleep] Berry…

Bubble Berry: [Berry looks at the twins. His eyes tear up] Actually… I have some free time on Tuesday.

[The End]